Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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