trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
