Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
