I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
tell me about the fingering
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