Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
