I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
