votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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