I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
