How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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