its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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