we made out on top of his cat.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
