Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We are two peas in an std pod
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
