i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
