none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
