I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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