I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
