so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
