So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
