Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
stop calling my apartment porn island.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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