my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
