just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
