My pussy is not your playground.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
