Jerry, you need to find god
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
if only i could text you this smell
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
