jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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