just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
