I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Your penis caused this!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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