LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
