I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
