I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
