would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
