so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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