he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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