So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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