Whod you bang
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
