Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
