hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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