so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
