I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
