How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
