She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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