i'm lost and i look like a hooker
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
