think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
