Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
