Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
