So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
how drunk are you?
Several
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
