omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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