Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
