I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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