I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
