I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
