I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
