nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
