that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
