No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
